Hello comrades! How are you? I know I should start this with a groundbreaking intro and all but honestly it’s 11 am and I am currently munching on bread so… let’s get into it!
Before I even proceed, no I am not that person who believes that the single life is the best, nor am I against the idea of love. I love love, I cherish it with an unrequited passion so once again, I am not here to rant about the pros of singleness.
I am here to basically talk about that one time I thought about not getting married to Le One.
Yes, there was a time (I used to look into my father’s eyes)– I’m sorry, that was a song reference; I do that a lot. But anyway, once upon a time I sat down and thought of the possibility of not wearing a ring ever, of not having a grand or even small wedding and even ditching the whole process at the City Hall. I simply wanted to spend the rest of my life with whoever was meant to stick with me without having to be labelled by anyone. I didn’t want a ring or a wedding or signatures to prove that I belonged to someone, and that I was serious about fully committing to him.
I mean, what guarantee do these strenuous processes give me?
Why was it so important to get married? Do marriages guarantee a long life with your partner with no worries and infinite showers of prosperity, love, affection and all those shenanigans people fight so hard to get? I mean why are people making such a big fuss about it?
And the most ironic part? Divorce rate in countries keep getting higher and higher. So yeah, marriage definitely sounds like a great shot to score, yeah?
To me, marriage is like a haunted house where guests fill in and slowly begin to uncover the nasty, scary secrets that surround it. You know in those scary movies? The people get drawn to the house and they all end up dying and the lone survivor gets scarred for life? Again, this is strictly my opinion–other people may like to disagree–so I am basically thinking out loud because thinking is something I do a lot.
Before I go deeper into it, I would like to define marriage according to the Oxford Concise English dictionary. It says that marriage is: “The legal union of a man and a woman in order to live together and often to have children.”
Well that sounds deep, doesn’t it?
It is first of all a legal union, which means that it is based on the law of the country, yes? And it says again that it is done in order for the couple to live together and often have children. Now while this sounds educative and all, it causes another thought chain to happen in my head.
Why do we need marriage to be able to live together? I mean, I know of couples who live together, are not married, and last way longer than the married ones. So I guess it is safe to overrule that point, right?
But then it spoke about legality, and that is something that cannot be overruled so easily.
I am a child of God, like all of us are–can I get an amen?–and despite my stubbornness and how little I listen to My Father, I know how obedience can go a long way. Basically, what He says is what I do; or try to do without whining and throwing mini tantrums. So basically He established marriage.
See why I said I was stubborn?
By bringing Eve to Adam, God instituted marriage and He didn’t do it for nothing, obviously. And so despite my rant, believe me when I say that I do know the importance of marriage, especially since I call myself His daughter. Stubborn, yes, but His daughter nevertheless.
We all know the exchange that happens when two people get married, right? One takes the surname of the other and they exchange rings and then there are vows made and tears flow and then the signing issues. I believe it is very important and should be done (not the crying but, you know…)
So you might be wondering what I am driving at, right? Well here is when I tell you that I am not against the idea of marriage, but rather the formality of it.
Formality is the observance of etiquette. Etiquette is a code of behaviour, and that ticks me off. Yes, I am admitting to not wanting to get formally married because of the way marriage is regarded nowadays. It’s like a rule, a must, an obligation that comes with its rules and regulations. Suddenly, when I hear marriage, I can imagine my family and in-laws and strangers fixing their binoculars to have a better view of my life with my husband. Believe me, that statement could be viewed hypothetically or literally.
Why do I need to be counselled on how to be a married woman? Why do I need a wedding filled with people who would eventually have no say in my marital life? I mean, I know that I would not be involving anyone in my marital because, like, Adam and Eve really only had themselves and God during their lives together.
Nevertheless, I am not excluding my parents because they are representatives of Abba in my life, so technically Abba assigned them the role of taking care of me on earth and so I will respect them wholeheartedly by introducing my future husband to them so that in any case I go MIA he’d be the first one to be interrogated.
So with that aside, I am moving on with more reasons why I think the formality placed on marriage is literally turning me off.
I feel like there’s an invisible tag being placed on me and Le One when I hear people talk about marriage. Or like invisible shackles being placed on us before we even make it out of the alter. I’ve seen movies and read books where the ending ends with a wedding and everyone is happy.
I am yet to watch or read the aftermaths of it.
Marriage has people talking about becoming entirely different from who they were before. I mean, where’s the authenticity?
Why wait for marriage before becoming a better cook, listener, cleaner or whatever? Why bring all those unfinished business into the marriage when you could have got them at least half way done while you were unmarried. I mean, why do people make marriage to be an institution that teaches couples what they could have known long before?
Why make marriage change individuals?
I see people complaining about how their S/O doesn’t cook or wash or does this or does that. I mean you were okay with eating takeouts with them before, right? You were okay with going to a laundry service with them before right? So why complain now?
So what exactly is my point?
My point is that at that moment, when I was sitting there pensive, I realised that marriage was not really necessary to make a couple grow stronger because all it does is bring pressure upon them. Pressure to be this, pressure to be that… doing this like that and doing that like this. If I’m supposed to get married, let me get married in peace without any etiquette or 101’s. Unless there is a striking difference between couples before and after marriage, I do not want to crack my brain with the stress that comes with bearing someone’s name.